[opening theme music]
Will somebody please cue that bird?
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats Ooh yeah! ♪
♪ Who do you call When you want some pepperoni? ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats Right on! ♪
♪ They're stepping out crime, And you know that ain't balony ♪
♪ There's Speedy Cerviche He's the leader of the bunch ♪
♪ That's right! A heck of a fighter ♪
♪ Makes a heck of a lunch ♪
♪ And little Polly Esther Who's never afraid ♪
♪ That's me Of going into battle ♪
♪ When the bad guys invade ♪
♪ Here's Guido Anchovis A wild romantic rover ♪
♪ This cat gets down down With a love hangover ♪
♪ Here come the Pizza Cats They're so bad ♪
♪ They've got more fur Than any turtle ever had! ♪
♪ They're stronger than old cheese ♪
♪ Stronger than old cheese ♪
♪ Stronger than dirt Stronger than dirt ♪
♪ Step on their tails Get off my tail ♪
♪ And you're gonna get hurt ♪
♪ Don't hurt me ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ They're fighting crime All over town ♪
♪ Four, three, two, one Pizza Cats are on the run ♪
♪ The Big Cheese is The villain ♪
♪ Who's lower than low ♪
♪ It's a rotten shame He lives in Little Tokyo ♪
♪ We've got a nasty Bad Bird And some nasty Ninja Crowes ♪
♪ As soon as someone Finds the script ♪
♪ We might begin the show ♪
♪ Sit back and pick up your feet And turn the sound up high ♪
♪ And if you want The full effects ♪
♪ Go eat a pizza pie ♪
♪ Hahaha Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
[Big Cheese] It's gone, all of it. I'm broke.
I've spent everything I have trying to beat those Pizza Cats.
[groans] And now I'm ruined!
I haven't a penny to my name.
[Jerry] Bravo! What a performance.
With your talent you'll always find work in community theater.
But don't give up, we've still got my savings to fall back on.
-It's all here. -You're so good to me, Jerry.
How much do we have in the kitty?
I wish you wouldn't call it that.
It reminds me of you know who.
You're right, I'm so sorry. [grunts]
one, two...
Should come to about 38 cents.
It's my life savings, but I give it to you, Boss,
because I'm that kind of guy.
You idiot. What do you expect me to do with 38 cents?
I thought we'd invest it.
I need cash and I need it now.
This calls for desperate measures.
Gather all the Ninja Crowes, I've got an idea.
We just gonna knock over a bank Bugsy, uh, Boss?
No, wrong. Everybody's gonna go out and get a job!
Go out and get a what?
[narrator] Soon, the Big Cheese's crooked Crowes
were spread throughout Little Tokyo,
earning honest pay checks and handing the proceeds over
to their increasingly frustrated boss.
This is pathetic.
Don't any of these losers earn more than minimum wage?
[screams]
It's hopeless. At this rate I'll be 150
before I even have enough to re-carpet the den!
[sobbing] -Psst, Jerry.
We're forgetting about something.
We've got a robot that can solve this problem in a flash.
Yes, I know the one you mean.
It's a surefire money maker. So what are we waiting for?
Let's tell him.
But it's too dangerous.
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He said it himself.
Why are you both whispering?
Because we don't want The Big Cheese to overhear us. [gasps]
well I did overhear you.
Tell me more about this money-making robot of yours.
It's called the Mini Midas.
Anybody who owns it is guaranteed to make a fortune.
[Big Cheese] Why didn't you tell me about this before?
[Jerry] It's had some technical glitches.
[Big Cheese] Glitches, snitches. Have it brought to me at once.
[Guru Lu] I tell you those Ninja Crowes are up to something.
This is a crisis. You can tell by the way the camera zooms in
all of a sudden. There! Like that. Did you see that?
[Francine on speaker] Ladies and gents, it's early, I know,
but Big L has called and we gotta go.
So please cross your eyes and cover your ears,
spin around twice and fall on your rears.
If you've obeyed my orders so far,
I can't believe how silly you are!
Thanks for your support! Ka-boom!
[shot fires] [theme music plays]
Ka-ping!
Ka-pow!
What form of propulsion do those pussy cats use to get up there?
Well I'm no rocket scientist,
but I guess they use some sort of catapult.
Catapult? I don't believe it, you made a pun, Mother.
Don't look so shocked, son, it's not a catastrophe.
You're really on a roll, Mom. Keep it up.
That's enough for now.
[narrator] Yes it is, as our heroes fly into action.
Yoo-hoo!
Speedy, stop hoggin' the spotlight, will ya?
Yeah who wants to see your ugly kisser anyway?
Oh yeah? Who's the one that gets all the fan mail?
Who gets his puss on the cover of Cat Fanciers' Magazine?
Who's getting his own star on the Hollywood Cat Walk of Fame?
I'll tell ya. Yours truly.
Of course I hate to sound immodest or anything like tha--
[thud] Oh big deal!
I got a contract to do commercials for TV.
I'll have you know that Garfield once winked at me
in the commissary
Garfield? The guy's a loser!
Takes one to know one, right?
[all screaming]
[Speedy] One, two, three, four, five, six, seven!
All good blackbirds Go to-- [explosion]
Yikes! What was that?
Geez it's the Cats!
How did those guys know what we were doing? It was a secret!
Someone must have tipped them off!
Let's get out of here! [all scream]
Great. There goes one of my nine lives. Thanks a lot, Speedy.
Correct me if I'm wrong, Guido,
but I don't think it was my fault.
[inhales sharply]
[Polly] What on earth is that thing?
Maybe it's the Buddhist version of a Cabbage Patch doll.
Yippee! Money, money, money! You gotta love it.
If you want cash, I'll make plenty of it!
I'm no expert, but this guy doesn't sound much
like a Buddhist to me.
Well, think of the company he's been keeping.
Hanging around with Big Cheese and those crooked Crowes,
it's no wonder the guy's messed up.
Mini Midas, that's my name. Making millions, that's my game.
Wee! Rupees, dollars, sacks of dough.
I'll make you rich as Croesus, bro. [Speedy gasps]
You look like you could use a few bucks.
[thud] Hey!
Stop hesitating, your fortunes are waiting!
[screaming]
[narrator] Moments later, in another part of the forest,
Speedy where are you? Where'd you get off to?
Ooh! Lookie what we've found!
What the hell?
I told you I'd do it, there's nothing to it!
What's going on?
Look, I've found somebody's purse.
-[both gasp] -Wait a second!
[Mini Midas] Take a peek inside, you geek.
[inhales sharply] There's gotta be a thousand bucks!
-A thousand -bucks?
[narrator] It seems the strange little robot's promises
of riches have already started to come true.
You found this purse on the mountain, eh?
Well, I commend you on your honesty, young man.
A lot of people would have been tempted to keep it.
Oh shucks officer, I was always gonna turn it in.
I mean it's the right thing to do, right?
After all, I'm no cat burglar. [laughs]
Can you believe that guy?
He wouldn't have turned it in if we hadn't twisted his arm.
I guess we did the right thing,
even if he was willing to split it with us.
Oh dear! [screams]
My purse has been stolen with all my cash and credit cards!
[gasps] Aren't you efficient! You've found it!
Actually this young fellow here found it.
Shucks, I was just doing my civic duty, that's all.
Oh thank you! Honesty is so rare nowadays, you deserve a reward!
You said it
[Speedy] Hey, what's with the lights?
In fact, I think I'll give you the entire contents of my purse,
it's the least I can do for such chivalry.
Yeah, I wanna reward you too, young man.
I was saving this money for my retirement, but take it.
Huh? What? Now wait a minute!
I didn't turn that purse in expecting a reward.
Honesty is its own reward. Didn't you ever hear that?
Why the very idea that I might have such mercenary motives
is almost insulting.
But since you really insist, Okay!
Ten, twenty, twenty-five, thirty, thirty -five...
Something's not right about this.
That little robot made them do it.
He's got some kinda power over people.
I bet he could even turn the birds out of the trees.
[cawing] That was a bad joke. Awful.
So this is the famous Mini Midas robot?
Not much to look at, but if he's really good,
I'll be fabulously rich,
dancing in dollars, prancing in pesos, rolling in rupees.
I'll be buying and selling Rockefellers
like they were pork bellies! [laughing]
[narrator] Now you and I know
that this isn't the real Mini Midas.
at losing the first robot.
So they had this ratty little number built from spare parts
lying around the lab and brought it to their master,
figuring that he wouldn't know the difference anyway.
Actually, now that I look at him, he's really rather cute
in his own way.
This really makes me nervous.
Somehow we've got to get the real Mini Midas back
before the boss realizes we've pulled a fast one on him.
-Right. -And there's another thing...
Whatever we do, we mustn't let the Mini Midas and this robot
ever get together. The consequences will be calamitous.
Exactly how calamitous?
Coochy coo, coochy coo...
[muttering]
That's pretty calamitous!
[lasers beaming] Okay fellas,
let's get out there and start making hay while the sun shines.
There's a fortune out there with my name on it.
[narrator] But Big Cheese was in for a rude awakening.
By nightfall he'd found no riches.
In fact, he was more broke than he'd been before,
and was reduced to scrounging through garbage cans.
Not even an old candy bar.
[Polly] Is it not honey?
I don't know what the explanation is.
You got a huge bonus in your check this week, you lucky dog.
Well hubba-hubba! This is my lucky day!
[laughing]
that's right! Brazil is where the nuts come from!
Speedy, you win the grand prize of ten thousand dollars!
I won! I won!
And it was just a guess! [both laughing]
[girl] The winning number is 42-29.
Jumpin' jackpot! I've won the lottery! This is amazing.
I can't lose, I can't lo-- [screams]
[exclaiming joyfully]
[laughing]
[narrator] But at the same time as Speedy was rigging it in
by the truckload, The Big Cheese was having his problems.
Oh, a nickel! [groans in pain]
I can't take this anymore,
I think it's time my luck started to change.
That's it, I've hit rock-bottom,
I've lost everything. Absolutely everything.
What's wrong with you, you stupid thing?
You're supposed to make me rich!
So what are you waiting for? Come one, let's get going!
[moans in pain]
I can't believe he'd just walk out on us like that.
Now that he's got all his mullah,
he says he doesn't need the job anymore.
I always knew that guy was a polecat.
He is being a bit of a stinker,
but I don't know if we should be calling him a polecat.
How's about dirty rotten skunk? You like that better, Francine?
[screaming and cheering]
what the heck? Looks like feeding time at the zoo.
Hurry up! Some cat's throwing money around
like there's no tomorrow! [both gasp]
[Speedy] That's right, my fellow citizens,
I'm passing out free money!
Why am I doing it? Well, I'll tell ya!
It's because I like ya, because I respect ya
and because I got pockets of the stuff!
Besides, it's deductible.
All I ask you to do is remember who gave it to you!
Speedy Cerviche, your hero and mine. Thank you!
Yahoo! Don't spend it all in one place.
-[all cheer] -[Speedy] Yahoo! There you go!
[narrator] The crowd goes crazy.
Indeed, not since the glory days of the ancient Caesars,
when gladiator fights were held in the Colosseum,
has any crowd made such a Roman spectacle of itself!
-[Polly] Speedy! -Hmm?
Come down from there, you look stupid!
I'll say. What do you think you're doing anyway?
What's it look like I'm doin'?
I'm spreading a little happiness among fellow citizens.
What's wrong with that?
It's called revenue sharing, I think.
[Polly] Knock it off!
Get a grip on yourself, Speedy!
Yeah, you're supposed to be a Samurai Pizza Cat,
not Daddy Warbucks!
Ha, I think I understand where this note of bitterness
in your voice comes from. You're jealous, aren't ya?
Well don't worry, I'll cut you guys in!
-We don't want it! -Save your breath, Polly,
he's not worth arguing with.
Who's not worth arguing with?
Listen, I'm worth more than you guys'll ever be!
Go on, get out of here you party poopers,
trying to spoil my fun.
Who needs ya anyway!
-What losers. -Oh, Speedy.
Hi Lucille, how's tricks?
What's come over you, Speedy? Why are you doing this?
Hey, what's wrong? I'm just trying to make people happy
and everyone's acting like I strangled their hamster!
Do you believe that money is the key to happiness?
Look around you, do these people look happy?
-Ouch! -[Speedy] Well...
they're a little overexcited maybe.
[sobbing]
I'm so ashamed of you.
I thought you were a deeper person than this, Speedy!
Wait, Lucille!
I am deep, really.
[narrator] Lucille's passionate outburst
hits Speedy with the emotional wallop
of a well-written greeting card.
How could I have been so dumb?
I can't believe I turned my back on the others like that.
Come on, just admit you love it. You want cash and plenty of it.
Alright that's enough!
I've had this monkey on my back long enough.
Beat it! Scram! Get away from me! [screams]
[screaming]
I don't want you anymore! [screaming]
[screaming continues]
Does anyone in the audience have some robot remover?
Bad Bird!
Bingo! Right the first time, pussycat.
Now hand over that robot.
You really want it? Fine, take it, it's yours. Go on.
Huh?
And I thought I'd already hit rock-bottom.
[male] Could you believe that Pizza Cat?
Imagine having so much money you could throw it around like that.
What a lucky guy. [popping sound]
It's too much! I've gotta jump off a bridge.
Come on, what you waiting for?
[Bad Bird] Okay, hang on tight, this is it.
[screams] [thud]
[screaming continues]
hey, what's the big idea? You let go on purpose, didn't you?
Don't be silly.
Come on birdie, don't be rash. Slip my friend a little cash.
Okay, cat, I'm sorry I raised my voice.
Let me make it up to you.
Get away! Keep your lousy money, I don't want it!
I wanna give it to ya, I feel bad enough already.
Isn't that just my luck?
There's never a bridge around when you wanna jump off one.
Well maybe I'll get hit by a truck.
[Bad Bird] Come on, be a sport, take my money!
[loud crash] [all scream]
[sobbing]
Oh come on, it couldn't have hurt that much.
[shrieks] That robot! What was it Jerry said?
[Jerry's voice] Whatever we do,
we mustn't let the Mini Midas and the other robot
get together. The consequences could be--
[screams] Calamitous!
[Mini Midas] Hey, what's cookin' good lookin'?
What's new with you, Mister Magoo?
Enough small talk. Let's split!
[lasers beaming]
Boy oh boy, that's a load off my back!
Don't be a fool. Now the real trouble begins. [gasps]
[narrator] Just then, the sky starts to darken ominously.
[Bad Bird] Hmm, looks like we're in for some rain.
-[narrator] Wrong. -[Bad Bird] Um...
Looks like we're in for a visit from extraterrestrials?
[narrator] Nope.
[Bad Bird] Looks like uh...
[narrator] You're about to be attacked by a giant super robot
of doom, you gooky kitty!
[all screaming hysterically]
[boy] Look! A big penny from heaven!
Run for it, that baby's gonna blow!
[narrator] The strange coin-shaped colossus
spreads its fearsome glow across the city,
with frightening results. [all gasp] [penny drops]
Look what it did to the Hitch family!
They always acted like they were made of honey.
[narrator] Yes, dreadful as it seems,
warm, breathing people
are being turned into cold, hard cash!
[Big Cheese] Unbelievable. This is the worst day of my life.
Stop whining! It's not one of my favorites either!
-[groans] -Clumsy old idiot!
No, leave him!
I can't! He signs my pay checks!
[screams] Paws, don't fail me now!
[shrieks]
[Jerry] I warned them but they wouldn't listen.
They never listen.
My mother was right.
"You're too good for them Jerry."
That's what she always said.
This seems like a good time to pay a visit to dear old Mom.
There's nothing left for me.
I think I'll just explode and get it over with.
Now, Boss, cheer up. Everything's gonna be alright.
You don't wanna do anything silly.
[groaning] [both scream]
[narrator] Meanwhile, Speedy is proving to be
not quite speedy enough as the monstrous ball of light
bears down on him like a, well, like a monstrous ball of light.
But then, in the nick of time,
You saved me.
-After all I did. -So, we're sentimental.
Yeah, you may be an ungrateful, self-centered little jerk,
but you're still a Samurai Pizza Cat.
It's beautiful.
[narrator] But things are not so beautiful below,
as towns folk are transformed
into various denominations of coinage.
Buffaloes become buffalo nickels,
fifth players are turned into two-bit players,
a pair of male deer become a couple of bucks.
I've got a million of 'em folks.
Stop me if you've heard 'em before!
[Polly] Would somebody please shut that guy up?
This is serious!
All those different species have been turns into species.
Enough bad puns. Let me down, I'll take care of 'em.
-What? -Get real, Speedy.
You wanna end up like the others?
Just a penny lying in the gutter?
Not a penny nothing, I'll be a quarter at least!
Ha! You always did have an inflated sense of self-worth!
Stop stalling and let me at 'em.
I got us into this mess and it's up to me to get us out,
so come on, what are you waiting for? Take me down!
Okay, fine with me. Alright with you, Polly?
Sure, it's fine with me.
Good luck, Speedy.
Luck's got nothing to do with it.
[narrator] And with that Speedy plunges downward,
hurtling towards his fall with the speed of...
well, of a cat, falling from a very high place.
You penny-ante pain in the neck,
it's bad enough you made me turn on my friends
and it's bad enough you got people to fight with each other
over money, but when you start tampering
with the spirit of Christmas, oh boy that makes me mad!
[narrator] Okay, so the cat's a little confused
over what time of year it is,
but who wouldn't be after all he's been through?
Now comes the moment that he will do as everywhere
and fear almost as much as a [indistinct].
The moment where Speedy unsheathes
his magical Ginzu sword and sounds the immortal battle cry,
Looks like it's party time, ya!
Bull's eye! A direct hit. So long, sucker!
[narrator] Just as we thought,
Speedy is the only guy in the place with the resources
to break a dollar.
[explosion]
How symbolic. My life is going up in smoke.
[Big Cheese] I'm exploding!
No, not by me you're not!
[screams]
[explosion]
Well I can kiss my vacation pay goodbye.
[narrator] Meanwhile, the townspeople changed back
to their real selves.
[man] Anyone have change for a twenty?
[woman] Are you okay?
[man] I feel like a million bucks!
[Polly] Hey, Speedy, there you are.
You look unhappy.
I'm so sorry.
I can't believe how much trouble I caused you guys.
I'm so ashamed of myself.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself,
but we'll let bygones be bygones, won't we Guido?
Sure, but it's not gonna be easy,
he's gonna have to do something to make it worth our while.
That goes without saying.
To start with, I think he should go on half pay
for a probationary period, to see if he's gonna work out.
Wait a second! Half pay?
[Polly] You cut out on us, Speedy,
you left us holding the bag!
[Guido] What's more, we're gonna put you on clean up detail,
give you a broom, watch Cheese furballs for a while.
Let's see how cocky you are after that.
[narrator] So Speedy learned a valuable truth.
Never say you're sorry,
because you'll just get stuck with the chores. What?
No, no, wait, this is it.
Money means nothing unless you've earned it.
And Speedy wasn't the only one
who learned the value of hard work.
Good evening. Tonight I'll be singing show tunes.
[crowd booing]
Thanks, you're a fabulous audience.
Don't you just love this outfit?
I got it while I was in the road company of Madame Butterfly,
understudying the lead.
Frankly I was a lot better than that no-talented little hussy
and everybody knew it.
[narrator] The moral of our story
is that money isn't everything.
There are more important things in life
than cash and credit cards.
Why, just look at that moon. Isn't it beautiful?
Hm. Reminds me of a giant silver dollar.
♪ Ladies and gentlemen ♪
♪ The Samurai Pizza Cat Fan Club Oath ♪
♪ The Pizza Cats are Samurai And I'd like to note ♪
♪ Their antics take your Breath away ♪
♪ Like fur balls In your throat ♪
♪ We kittens are a special breed We never call retreat ♪
♪ Whenever Big Cheese Knocks us down ♪
♪ We land upon Our feet ♪
♪ So hail to thee, Oh Pizza Cat ♪
♪ Please ring your little bell ♪
♪ Although you may be Pen and ink ♪
♪ We know you'll fight like Pizza Cats ♪
[closing theme music]
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ We hope you liked the show ♪
♪ It's the best That we could do ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats ♪
♪ If you could do better Then we'd leave it up to you ♪
♪ Just a reminder You might like to know ♪
♪ The cats will be back For another big show ♪
♪ Hahaha, oh gosh ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats They're fighting crime ♪
♪ Oh yes, all over town ♪
♪ Hahaha Oh yeah ♪
♪ Two, four, six, eight Why do we expectorate? ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats Read all the credits ♪
♪ So you'll know Who did the work ♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats Hahaha ♪